There is so much activity around me these days. Discussions, decisions, arguments, sympathy, concern, fear, anxiety, confusion and what not. Believe me, the list is still incomplete. Before you guess let me clear it to you that my house is not Aam Aadmi Party's headquarter where you can see a bunch of people sulking in the background of power. Here the race is different. When the opponent is resting, he is blamed...when he wakes and try to roar, he is blamed some more...finally when he speaks, there is a tsunami of blames flowing. Things are accepted as they are without a word of protest, followed by a round of mild complaining, if responded with a dose to fight back, the complaints suddenly transforms into who-said-we-have-a-problem thing and if shown sympathy the mild complaints progresses to endless grumping which for sure ends with a We are ok verdict.
Did i ever think this to be a routine in our peaceful abode. No, never. Honestly speaking this is a serious issue (yeah, the one i wrote in above lines) with immense complexity attached to it. To say it or not, its affecting everybody associated with it. Why do we want others to say the same we want to hear. Even if we know it wont happen, why don't we put off the burning candle of hopes and expectations inside us. The warmth of expectations keep us comfortable for a while but what it's been abruptly put to an end. Is there an end to desires ?? Don't we sometimes expect too much ?? Too much from us, too much of it from others and then it becomes a habit. Habit of giving expectations through our words & actions and in return of coarse a multiple round of fulfillment of our own expectations. Even though we want the things to be in motion we have a problem with its gait. And plus, there are so many things which should have been said but are missed and many unwanted declared with authority.
There is no harm in doing all this. That's the way things have been done in past and trend is not yet changed. I am still too small to bring about a change or lets say talk about changes. They listen, nod in agreement and it ends. Earlier when i didn't see things closely, it didn't registered to my senses. However, last few months i have been tossed and torn by worldly affairs. I am hurt, yes, i am and there is no way out of this agony except for to let it pass. Or rather, i should be happy looking at the beaming faces who are dancing to their own marry-tunes.
Meanwhile, I want to stay in peace, grow up to these realities, knitting my own space which would assure a fresh air and warmth of sun to me.
PS - Now i have created a mess here. Started with A, followed by M and ending with F. aarrggghhh....after reading this you ll definitely understand my position. Just like this post leaves you puzzled, i go off my balance everyday.
